dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
