High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
pray to the hookup gods
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My butt remains clenched, sir.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize