Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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