I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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