I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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