so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Randomize
