I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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