Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
