"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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