I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
