We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
