Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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