i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
