There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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