I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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