Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Randomize
