her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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