Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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