I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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