my sisters under your porch take her home
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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