I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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