I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
