HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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