There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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