I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
