I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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