I'm so fucking centered right now
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
