covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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