im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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