my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
