don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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