I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
