did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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