im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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