I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Randomize
