six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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