the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
