I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
