I am puke
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
