he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
