he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
