it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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