I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
