I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
