Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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