Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I made him laugh his dick is mine
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
