We named our party play list daddy issues
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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