your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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