I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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