Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Someone shattered a urinal.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
