my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
