Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
How drunk are you?
Completed.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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