He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
