Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
