At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
