I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
