just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
