between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
