she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
