Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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