We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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