I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize