On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
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Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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